How To Address Spring Fever And Other Pre-Launch Jitters

photo credit: jurvetson

Early on in my counseling career I worked with a family in full Senioritis mode. Their son was a good student, busy in extra-curricular activities and sports, had a part time job, and a good group of friends. As soon as Spring hit, tensions in the house rose between he and his parents, especially his father.

They were fighting frequently and the fights were escalating with each exchange. They sought help in order to come up with some ways to co-exist until their son left for college. They recognized that to a degree, what was going on between them was natural.

Call it pre-launch jitters if you will. The son was ready to be off on his own, the parents were ready for him to move on to the next phase of life, but the countdown was too slow.

There are natural progressions to a family’s development and launch of their children. It’s completely normal! And whether this launch involves a high schooler leaving the nest for college, a student entering middleschool, or a child entering Kindergarten, tension spikes in the household are bound to happen.

Here are a few things to watch for and ways to address the launches.

1. Increase in the tension between you.

This is often experienced by both the parent and the child. The exchanges are more reactionary and abrupt. Often this is a gradual shift and doesn’t occur overnight.

What you can do: Recognize the tension and calm yourself down by leaving the conversations before escalating. Model being an adult who can handle themselves and re-engage when you’re more rational and calm. You can still address any bad behaviors, they don’t have to be handled all at once.

2. More frustration experienced by the child.

Part of launching into a new phase of life involves quite a bit of fear and frustration. A Senior ready to go to college may be scared about the future. This is normal. They may be frustrated that they still have to follow your rules while they think of themselves as an adult.

The increase in frustration in the child also applies to younger children. Each time one of my children approached a milestone in their development (i.e. walking, talking, starting school, etc.) their frustration levels increased. This is mainly the result of wanting to achieve the next level but being unable to master it quickly. Let’s face it, walking, talking, school and living on your own take time to adjust to and master.

What you can do: Probably the best thing you can to is back off a bit and allow the child to develop the necessary skills each stage requires. Let them struggle through this growth opportunity while you are available as a support if and when needed. Offer your love by being empathetic to their struggle, but don’t shelter them from it. Tell them “I love you” often.

3. Planning a launch.

In many cultures there are rights of passage as a boy becomes a man or a girl becomes a woman. Each stage launch should be celebrated. As your child grows, each stage can be planned for. A pre-middleschool vision quest, a pre-high school family trip, a full blown launch party for college or adulthood. Knowing these times will occur can really help ease some of the uncertainty and tension surrounding each launch.

Want to know how the family I worked with addressed their concerns? After recognizing what they were going through as normal, together they decided their son would start college in the summer rather than fall. This got him out of the house sooner and probably avoided quite a bit of damage to their relationship – this was his idea by the way.

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